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谈论可怕的、消极的中学岁月感觉有点陈词滥调. 每个成年人都有可能回忆起一些让人不寒而栗、呻吟或迅速改变话题的事情. Of course there are the others that also bring a chuckle, but those are often at someone else’s expense. 作为父母, 这些记忆会让我们怀着恐惧的心情看待即将步入青春期的孩子, 就好像我们把糟糕的经历投射到他们身上,并预测所有可能出现的最糟糕的情况.

为什么这些年对我们人类来说如此困难? 我将提出10件父母可以期望从变化中得到的东西(还有一个奖励)——这是当我被提出这个话题来写的时候首先想到的10件事. They are in no particular order, 你会注意到,在列出的变化之间有一些相互作用和重叠:

10. Physical size, disproportionately gained. Pre-teen and early teen years come with phenomenal growth. 有时我觉得我可以坐在教室的后面,真正看到成长的发生! 你可能会发现自己在买了最后一条裤子几个月后就给孩子买了一条新裤子,因为旧的裤子现在短了4英寸. These physical spurts also come with clumsiness. Things seem out of proportion and misaligned, 但所有的事情都在一起工作,以达到最后的成年阶段. 

9. 萨斯. 是的, 青春期前的孩子们正在经历荷尔蒙浴,随之而来的是一些粗鲁的行为, even from your normally polite child. 记住这一点很难,但他们并不总是意识到自己很粗鲁. 当然,有时他们会这样做,他们需要纠正.

8. A desire for independence. 这个阶段的孩子开始把自己看作是独立的人. 希望他们的同龄人喜欢他们,希望你的孩子能感觉到属于他们的同龄人群体,这是他们做出行为选择的一个很大的动机. 

7. A need for quiet support from you. Your preteen will start to not want to see you at school, but they do want to know that you have their back. 他们不一定希望你介入并解决他们的问题, 但他们确实想知道你听到并理解他们所看到的麻烦. 作为家长, this can be a delicate balance to work through, 而且,当你预见到重大失误即将到来时,很难拒绝介入.

6. A quiet longing for affirmation. Even though your child acts like their peers are more important, they still secretly long to be known and loved by you. They will sometimes take your love for granted, but it is a safe space for them, something familiar that they not only want, but that they also need.

5. Changes in likes and dislikes. With their independence and their developing sense of self, pre-teens will also go through many iterations of themselves, 喜欢他们上周讨厌的东西,或者讨厌上个月的最新趋势. 很多时候,这取决于最新的趋势/时尚/狂热,以及同龄人认为什么很酷, bussin”, 或潮湿的). As maddening as this may feel, 他们通过自己的身份来工作,发现上帝创造他们的方式.

4. Attention to the opposite sex. 这种情况会在不同的程度和时间发生在不同的青春期前, 但这是不可避免的(这就是为什么在孩子到这个阶段之前,你和他们进行基于圣经的对话是至关重要的)!). They will have crushes that come and go, 对他们来说,这就像是世界末日(这发生在我们身上), 太!). 大多数人可能不想和你分享这些,但迹象很明显.

3. Awareness of a broader world. 这个年龄段的学生开始认识到世界比我们所占据的小角落要大得多. They will develop the ability to think abstractly, 并且将在本地和全球之间建立许多联系. 在全球宣教及其周围世界的背景下,现在是培养这种理解的最佳时机, seeing how Christians around the world serve and worship God, and how many may be persecuted for it.

2. Questioning EVERYTHING. Some of you reading this just shouted AMEN! Pre-teens and teens begin to question everything, 挑战事物的本来面目和我们选择做事的理由. 

1. Ignorant defiance*. 随着他们对更广阔世界的认识的发展,他们也养成了一种沟通的态度, “我知道这个, and more than you.” Pre-teens and early teens are confident that they know, and they are confident that they know more than you know. 

奖金 如果没有提到这个阶段的主要错误,这个列表就不完整. 所有的变化和实验都是青春期前和青少年要面对的, they will inevitably experience many failures along the way. 这些都没问题! And are a part of their own growth. 

After writing this list out, and rereading it, 这些年来,抚养孩子的任务很容易让人气馁. So I will end with a quote from The Age of Opportunity, 这是一个呼召我们抓住这些发展的岁月,并引导他们在我们孩子的生活中,为神的目的和荣耀;

“我们是时候拒绝我们的文化对青少年的全盘冷嘲热讽了. Rather than years of undirected and unproductive struggle, these are years of unprecedented opportunity. They are the golden age of parenting, 当你开始收获你在孩子生命中播下的所有种子时, 当你可以帮助你的孩子内化事实,并为他或她的富有成效的生活做好准备时, God-honoring life as an adult.” (p 18)

最后,作为一个忠告,请记住,作为父母,我们是在进行一场长期的比赛. Every child will go through adolescence, 我们的目标是帮助他们对上帝有坚定的信仰,与上帝建立良好的关系. 我们不能(意思是不应该)插手为我们的孩子解决一切问题——这会让他们产生一种依赖,这种依赖会伴随他们成年. We can walk with them and counsel them, 但必须让他们自己做决定. 我们可以帮助他们看到他们挣扎背后的内心问题, 帮助他们学会依靠神来恢复和改变他们. 这将反过来帮助他们发展智慧和信念,以成熟到成年,他们的信仰完好无损.

*感谢高中校长Dan Cirone帮助给这种特质贴上标签.

丹尼尔Lazor

By: 丹尼尔Lazor

Dan Lazor是新葡京app中学的校长.

Read More Articles by 丹尼尔Lazor
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